The tennis tournament ED.

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Don't be confused, I'm not going to suddenly start writing about sports. I'm going to write about the fashion show that kicks off the weekend at the country club. The tennis tournament has a weekend with a fashion show to launch the whole thing off. I've always referred to the tennis tournament fashion show as 1/2 way a musical and 1/2 way a Tootsies' parade. For years I've worked backstage helping the stylist. Great for so many reasons, like eating the models' catered food, they aren't going to! Hanging out with oiled up dude models, it's my job! Not to mention, being around for costume changes- racy!! There is a great and irreplaceable intensity of being backstage at any fashion show. I love it. What is fluid to the audience is running and screaming backstage with accessories flying. If it's a really good show, heat toting men & women of the law'll be there enforcing, chasing after the models themselves to get ritzy goods they are wriggling off as they shoot out off of the catwalk with their wide strides and long legs. Over the 20+ years, there have been freaky finales. There were male models stripping down to their skivvies and jumping synchronized into the pool. There was a model wearing 20 lb metal dress and a boa constrictor. A dude, dressed as a peacock, with the biggest, most colorful, feather duster attached to his ass gave the show goers a big bow and butt shake, like a big, mating dancing, pea-man-model. There was a big splash after one year when the theme was "Transgender- The Stages of Transformation." Ranging from cross dressers to the completely gender reassigned. Going with the theme, there were androgynous models (duh.) Chicks in men's wear! Dudes with long silky hair and heels! And readers, want to know how the River Oaks Country Club felt about this?? Did the pearl loaded lunching ladies like men in beaded dresses? From my standpoint, it WAS unsettling to have a person with a real body next to the whippet thin models, anyone would've looked chubby, but that's not what the gasps were about. I was going to write a what-to-wear post about such an event but I'll just tell you- wear white, wear what you would on a boat, and if you're not sure what that is, look up some rap music videos or google image Wimbledon. This year the theme was Ports Of Call. Not too taboo. Here are some highlights:

Bon Voyage

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Remember this from The Great Power Clash post? Etro

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I'm totally foreign to dudes, I mean what they're wearing. Here are some "accessories" to the chick clothes.

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Ralph Lauren, adorable sailor.

Cape Town

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Stella Jean

Rio De Janeiro

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Missoni

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Cavalli

Roma (gender bender scene)

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Valentino

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Stella McCartney

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Alexander McQueen

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Elie Saab

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Last one. Just for your pleasure, readers.