A Step By Step Guide For Getting Over A Crush

Image by Ann Friedman

Image by Ann Friedman

 

No one reminds you when you break off a relationship that there are choppy waters even still up ahead. You might have heard about my best friend's cousin's bride's maid that broke off her engagement and was happily in love with the man of her dreams the next week. That is an Urban Legend. There is no documented real case of this ever happening, so brace yourself for some single dom.

Since life doesn't come with an instruction manual I took a stab at jotting down how to solve one of life's hiccups, the crush.

1. Acknowledge you have a crush

No ifs, ands, or butts. If you spend every waking moment thinking about their ifs, ands, and definitely their butt, you have a crush. Don’t be embarrassed, everyone has gone through it. You’ll find examples all around you from movies, sitcoms, and song lyrics. WikiHow says it’s even ok to say “I have a crush on Steve and hate that I feel this way.” I say it’s ok to say “I have a crush and felt more sane going through puberty.” To-may-toe to-mah-toe.  After this first step, everything is about mindset.

 

2. Dwell on the negative

Image by Ann Friedman

Image by Ann Friedman

Does this person have an annoying laugh, complain too often, maybe they are flakey or excessively short with waiters? Do they have questionable taste in art & decor? Especially think of complaints of the x - rated variety, those are the worst, can be unforgivable, and seldom change. Let's face it: there are six months that are exciting of getting to know someone (hopefully never leaving bed with them.) After that, the important milestones are tackled and those odd ball traits and furniture choices are what you're left with. If you can't find any negative qualities about them, it proves you don't know them well enough to have a crush on them or that they are a psychopath. Not even Ryan Reynolds is perfect. 

 

3. Ask yourself if this person deserves being your crush

There are things in your control and there are things that are not. If he’s in another relationship, separated by miles of distance, or simply does not feel the same way as you, it is not in your control. Saying no to the eighth flute of brute rosé champagne at a party is. As hard as it is to tell the difference, you must. 

 

4. Harp on your positive characteristics

If you've made it here, you've probably given yourself a hard time about some of the things that make up your personality. Don't apologize for them. Having too many decorative pillows and your basic taste in pop music unavoidably make you you. You might also funny, be a great friend, have a naturally small waist, and have an open heart. Focus and remember those positive traits when you’re feeling Hermés-blue.

 

5. Don't talk to your crush

This might be a no-brainer, but having a crush leaves one without a brain. Simply don’t call or text. If you have to see this person, be short without seeming upset. Seeming indifferent is the first step in feeling indifferent.

 

6. Don't stalk on social media

If you have to, consider a social media break. I once deleted the Facebook and Instagram apps from my phone for six months. I downloaded the NYTimes app in their place and scrolled it as incessantly as I would social media. I became the most interesting version of myself. I learned so much about the world and I was abreast of so many important issues, facts, and causes that I constantly surprised myself with impressive current-events conversation at dinner parties. So you don’t miss out, ask your friends to send you funny memes.

 

7. Dance alone in your underwear to said pop music as much as possible

What ever your guilty pleasure is, delve into the throngs of what you enjoy like running, painting, photography, etc.  Join a class you’ve always been interested in outside of your comfort zone. Travel. Be the interesting person you want to be. Focusing on fitness and exercise is doubly great for body image, overall health, mood, stamina, and swimsuit season.

 

Image by Ann Friedman

Image by Ann Friedman

8. Enjoy the single life

Your crush might seem like the answers to your prayers and RSVP responses, but there is a lot to be said about being single. When you share your life with someone you indelibly compromise your lifestyle. Whether you get up at 5 am to write crush-survival-guides or stay up late binge watching Sex In The City from the first season, revel that your time, writing subjects, and interests are yours and yours only.